And as I prepare to leave a country I love, direction once again confounds me. I’ve taken more paths and chosen more roads yet the world is still spinning around me.
Conflicting emotions about how to ‘travel’ are repeatedly rearing their heads; sometimes I feel the coil of life unravel, my heart aching beneath my chest.
I yearn for routine and stability too, yet in the same breath I yearn for adventure; a sense of my old self needs to return as her I fear I’ll struggle to remember.
So many happy memories and experiences to boot, in a place I feel I’ve now settled; it took long enough, now I feel quite at ease but restrictions don’t make it much better.
If I chose to walk the path I’m now on and struggled at pace to remain, would it be the right decision, would I be happy I did, would I reap, and grow, and gain?
Or is going home where I really should be, where ambitions I’ll finally achieve; is striving to become what I long should’ve been going to bring happiness or will I still grieve?
Always questions, questions, running through my mind, like sordid maniacal devils; they sit on my shoulder mocking my torment, laughing as I try to level.
But I got the best of them this time, determination won, as I argued to justify my ways; I made the choice, the best one for me at the time, and now I sit and count down the days.
Adventure DOES await in several different forms, and I anticipate the change of pace; adapting to life as challenges unfold, it’s time I rejoined MY race.
The future will bring whatever I choose as that is the beauty of life: tackle the hurdles and find the solutions, don’t look back in anger, regret, or strife.
So as this new road paves out ahead of me now, I look to those I’ve encountered, the hills and the valleys the twists and the turns, every breath I savour unbounded.
For what has passed is nothing to waste, no mistakes to be held in contempt; only knowledge and wisdom, and barrels of fun; years of wandering well spent.
I don’t see my return as a failure to launch, a step backward or awkward defeat; quite the opposite in fact – a brand new dawning; after all, the world still spins at my feet.
Chasing Amy-Lou 