Will things be any better the second time around? Is it possible for a second experience to live up to the high expectations you set, to surpass those of the first? Was it, after all, only ever supposed to be experienced once?
These are the questions I find myself trying to answer while six months into my second stay in Australia. So far on my second shot at life Down Under, I’ve done quite a lot. There’s been rural mining town work and hilarious roadtrips; there’s been laborious job hunts and relaxing beach days. And then there was my move to Melbourne, somewhere I thought I belonged and somewhere I thought maybe all the answers to all my questions lay. Turns out, despite my absolute adoration for Melbourne, I’m not quite finding what I need. Yes, I’ve experienced and done a few of the things I’d hoped to while I’ve been here – attending the Boxing Day Test at the MCG being one; watching a Big Bash match; bagging free tickets to a soccer game; soaking up the sun and tennis at the Australian Open; dancing my little heart out at music festivals; impromptu day trips down the peninsula; leisurely bike rides along the Yarra…yet I can’t help but feel there’s something missing. There’s something not quite right about where I’m at at the moment and it’s decidedly frustrating.
In a previous blog I wrote about how I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else in Australia but Melbourne. And perhaps I was too hasty in making that statement. Perhaps I’d put Melbourne on such a high pedestal, and raised my expectations of what I would find here so high that they’ve come crashing down?
I’ve had a lot of time to think of late (which seems to be a recurring theme) and I believe that maybe the remainder of my Australian adventure should be lived out somewhere other than a cosmopolitan city. Melbourne is fantastic. It has it all. So much so that it’s been voted the most liveable city in the world countless times. And it’s easy to see why. But it’s a city. And the monotony of everyday life is beginning to drag me down; I feel like I need a change. There’s no way I can stay in Australia for good, that’s a fact that’s already been established and I have begun to make solid and firm preparation for my return to the UK later this year. So why spend what little precious time I have left in a place I feel I’m no longer benefitting from, no longer connecting to, and am no longer getting the most from?
I want to experience Australia. I want to see it for all its wonder and beauty. The last time I was in this country I was mesmerised and awestruck by how diverse the landscape and eco-systems are; I was captivated by everything it had to offer. Travelling the east coast was perhaps the most fun I’d had, and I loved Perth and Darwin and all the other places in between. And maybe it’s this that I miss. Maybe it’s the actual travelling and the anticipation of seeing new things that keeps me alive; maybe it’s not enough for me being in a big city; maybe the smaller, more compact places are where I should be. Maybe it’s that simple – maybe I don’t need the buzz of a heaving metropolis. So it’s with a slight sadness and tainted heart that I am planning to say goodbye to Melbourne and to try my luck elsewhere.
If some of you reading this are thinking I’m giving up, then fair enough. Maybe I could change my job? Maybe I could move house? Maybe I could give it a second chance? Rest assured though that my decision to leave Melbourne is not one of failure, it’s not defeatist, and I don’t see myself as giving up. If I only have six months left in the country, then I need to make the most of it. And in essence, I’m merely trying to better my situation and to try something new. After all, I’m here for a short time, a good time, and a fun time; not a long time.
If I’m being 100% honest, I’ve not been too happy in Melbourne recently. And I’m a firm believer that happiness or lack there of it affects everything you do – your attitude, your confidence, the way you project yourself, your ability to see a future – if you’re not happy in a situation, then only you can change it. And this is precisely what I’m going to do.
I plan to leave Melbourne at the end of March. There’s a few things I’m going to try and a few things I need to see before I reach my new chosen destination but with a little bit of planning, a little bit of luck, and a positive mental attitude, I’m sure the future will continue to shine bright.
Chasing Amy-Lou 