When you think of Amsterdam, come on admit it, you don’t really think of windmills, tulips and clogs, do you? What you really think is this: red light district, sex, hookers, pot, space cakes, red light district, dirty hoes, Anne Frank (she was NOT a dirty ho), joints, doobs, weed, sex…you get the idea. However, you may be surprised to hear that Amsterdam actually has much more to offer than this sleazy stag-do culture it has become infamous for…no, really!
Having visited Amsterdam three times since the age of 16, I can honestly say that the Dutch capital never ceases to amaze and surprise me. Each stay has presented me with something more interesting and has conjured up an array of culture and delight. Fair enough, I smoked a bit of pot on my first two visits…erm, and on my third visit, but hey who hasn’t? Aside from that, I also spent the majority of my time exploring this fascinating city, getting lost in its many cobbled streets and traversing its famous canals while soaking up all the cultural charm it has to offer.
Staying at Durty Nelly’s Inn, situated on Warmoesstraat 115-117, myself and my friends found the perfect base for our short stay. Durty Nelly’s http://www.durtynellys.nl/ is typically Irish (well, as Irish as you can get when you’re in The Netherlands) and combines drinking, eating and sleeping with a lively atmosphere. The staff are friendly and helpful and the hostel had all we needed to make our stay comfortable and enjoyable. The hostel is only an eight minute walk from Amsterdam Central Station and is literally five minutes from Dam Square. Dorms cost from around €30 a night, per person which is a little pricey for a hostel but if you’re backpacking and want to meet new people then this place doesn’t fail to live up to those standards.
The first day of our trip was spent wandering around the city. From Durty Nelly’s, we walked south on Warmoesstraat and took a right into Dam Square where we marvelled at the Royal Palace and watched as street artists touted for custom from gullible tourists with too much cash to spare. Continuing south along Rokin, passing Madame Tussauds as we walked, we took a right at Singel where the famous flower market presides. If you’re looking for typical Dutch souvenirs then this is the place to be – clogs, tulips, magnets, Amsterdam paraphernalia, you name it, they’ve got it. On reaching the bridge at the corner of Singel and Koningsplein we turned left and found ourselves on Leidsestraat, the most famous street in Holland, well known for it’s abundance of shops and speciality stores and probably more sought after as the gateway to Amsterdam’s revered entertainment area – The Leidseplein. Just watch out for the trams!
As we ventured further down Leidseplein, our destination was almost in sight: The Vondelpark was where we were headed, equipped with cheap local beer in order to watch the sun go down in style! Vondelpark is situated just west of the Rijks Museum and occupies 120 acres of public space, housing open air theatres, statues by Picasso, and plays host to several events throughout the year, including child-orientated events on Queens Day on 30th April.
The afternoon wore on and we parked ourselves on a bench, cracked open the beer, sat back and took in the surroundings. Here’s what we witnessed: tramps arguing over the last cigarette in a dishevelled looking pack; drunk vagrants singing dutch songs, that, according to my dutch-speaking friend, made absolutely no sense whatsoever; boot-camp classes with sweaty ladies clad in tight lycra getting their lunge faces on (I joined in from afar until I was spotted and retreated back to my bench, red-faced and caught out); bare-footed young men carrying wooden boxes of fruit and veg, claiming they had chosen to go sans-shoes in order to, “get back in touch with nature” (get back in touch with dog turd was more like it); and cyclists…hundreds of cyclists! That’s the thing about Amsterdam, you’re never more than two foot away from a bloody bike.
Our first evening was spent pretty much as you’d expect – we got stoned. Now, I am not a cannabis smoker and I’m not even a cannabis fan but when in Amsterdam there’s just some things that you have to do. In typical tourist style, we went to the Bulldog (not the brightest of ideas or the best coffee shop to venture to when trying to absorb some culture but it was the most convenient at the time. There are other coffee shops available, such as The Grasshopper or Mellow Yellow or Baba, plus MANY more). A space cake was purchased and one, yes, take note, ONE joint between four of us.
Being the glutton I am, I wolfed down my half of the cake as if it were any normal chocolate delight, forgetting the effects it was soon to have. I also took a couple of tokes from the joint in the, “puff, puff, giiiiive” style seen in the Friday films. Hilarity ensued. Seriously, after about ten minutes I was in hysterics. At one point I think I became so consumed with laughter, at nothing whatsoever, that I struggled to breathe, spitting out beer and rocking in my chair. Soon the hysterics turned to relaxation as the weed properly kicked in. It didn’t last…
That was it then, about an hour later and I was a goner. The potency of the stuff I smoked that night, in all honesty, sent me under. We got back to the hostel and I felt nauseous, like someone had entered my brain and had sent me away, to the other side of the room, to wallow in my own self pity. I also got a baaaaad case of the munchies, so my friend and I walked to the nearest pizza place where I ordered and devoured a 16″ meat feast all to myself. No joke.
Following on from ‘weed-gate’, we agreed not to smoke anymore and instead, returned to the main purpose of our Amsterdam adventure – cultural exploits!
Day two arrived and although still a little weirded out after the previous night, I didn’t let it affect me as we made our way to Amsterdam’s famous brewing haunt – The Heineken Experience! Now, having a Belgian friend in tow, it did take longer than anticipated to reach the former Brewery, located on Stadhouderskade 78, south of Dam Square, again, not far from the Rijks Museum. We meandered along the banks of the river Amstel, Pieter, kicking his heels like a miserable child, reluctant to join us because, “It would be a sin to go there, the beer is terrible, Belgium has much better beers than this”, winge winge winge, wah, wah, wah, “Shut up!”. In the end we got him there and he bloody loved it (although he’ll never admit to this).
Cost of entry into the Heineken experience is around €18 and includes a tour, interactive stations, a 4-D ride which aims to simulate the feeling of being brewed and bottled (it is what it is…), free beer (the best bit), and the chance to create your own labelled bottles; this became somewhat of a game between us to see who could create the most imaginative label, I’m ashamed to say I failed, but Tom, well, he probably won.
I’d really recommend visiting the old brewery as it occupies a fun few hours and provides insight into one of Amsterdam’s most famous exports.
Part II to follow; I’ll give you a break for now. Go get yourself a beer, you deserve it.
Chasing Amy-Lou 
